”You should smile more, you’d be so pretty if you smiled”
As I arrive at my office, I get in a far-too-packed elevator to ride 15 floors uncomfortably pressed against others who crammed themselves into a clearly full lift. In the brief 45-second ride, someone turned to me and said that if I smiled more, I’d be so much prettier. While some may read this as a compliment, I’m quite positive there may be a few female jaws dropping as they imagine themselves in this situation.
I don’t know this person, I didn’t ask for feedback on my looks, and nor was I having the type of morning that warranted a smile from ear to ear.
This begs the question: why is there such a huge percentage of the population failing to recognise these small indignities and unconscious slights? Women experience situations at work and in life every day that may seem small or unimportant but that effectively differentiates and excludes them. I’m not writing this to blow my small, 45-second moment out of proportion, but rather highlight and analyse these micro-offenses; the small, awkward, or uncomfortable moments that slow-build until the unwelcoming environment takes hold and women disengage.
Whether in my career or simply riding an elevator on a Tuesday morning, I frequently catch myself thinking about how to dismantle everyday gender bias in a productive, kind and level-headed way. I’m sure this person didn’t mean offence, they probably didn’t even realise what they had said could be taken negatively at all, but I was left standing there unsure of how to respond, with the eyes of every other lift-dweller on my face, analysing my appearance and my mood.
Needless to say, I felt uncomfortable, to say the least. I attempted to think of what to say in response, but ultimately struggled – I was just explicitly shown that my appearance is valued over my mental and emotional well-being, or in other words, my feelings.
While my morning experience happened outside of my office, it has definitely happened to me within the workplace before. When women are requested to smile, especially by their superiors or coworkers, they often experience a loss of control over their presentation of themselves in the workplace. A woman’s smile is as much a show of joy as it is a sign of submission, general agreeableness and a deliberate lack of anger. While many studies suggest sexism and bias in the workplace are unconsciously conveyed, they can have very real consequences for women in professional settings.
A recent survey found that 98% of women have been told to smile at work at some point in their lives, with 15% experiencing this weekly. This study underscores the inequalities women face in the workplace, even from other women.
Historically, the way women present themselves in the workplace has been contentious. Ambitious women have often been labelled as “bossy” or “overly assertive,” while men displaying the same qualities are praised as “go-getters” and inspirational leaders. Women who choose not to smile may encounter accusations of having a “resting bitch face.”
This term is often used to describe women, and almost only women, who appear unhappy or irritated, even when they feel content.
A significant number of women feel compelled to “soften” their communications with colleagues, particularly those in senior and executive roles. This reflects the pressure to be liked at work.
Through all of my thoughts above, I haven’t even managed to speak about the many other microaggressions women face, but even more so, those that my female peers of colour face. There’s no denying the fact that no matter your racial identity, being a woman in the workplace is tough. The fact of the matter is though, being a Black woman in the workplace is even tougher.
Why? Not only are they subjected to gender-driven microaggressions, but they’re also being subjected to racial ones from – and here’s the crucial part – both men and women. From being more likely to face occupational segregation to earning less than white women (women on average earn 19% less than white men in the United States; Black women specifically on average earn 39% less) Black female professionals are facing discrimination for both their race and gender and, given how widespread the problem is, the chances of you having been a part of that discrimination, even if you’re a woman, are very high.
At Atteline, we work hard to foster a workplace where everyone feels valued for their skills, not their appearance, race, gender, or anything other than their work and attitude within our shared professional space. I implore others in senior leadership positions to focus heavily on creating a workplace where both men and women can be authentic without judgment and where gender equality isn’t just a goal but a reality.
Words By: Bianca Riley, Director of Operations at Atteline